Real Ale Madrid Expands Global Reach The Board of Directors of Real Ale Madrid FC today announced marketing plans that are sure to see the club literally soar into the spotlight as one of the world's greatest and best-known sporting institutions. RAMFC have long been on the verge of becoming one of the sporting world's most dominant players and this latest initiative is sure to see other world renowned clubs start to reconsider their own approach regarding the expansion and solidification of their own fan bases. The recent development of their official web site is proving to be the catalyst that RAM fully expected, however the response from fans the world over has been truly astounding. Web-master and club telecommunications guru Simon Burgess, who is also a reliable utility man, variously filling the roles of full back, wandering midfielder and starry-eyed striker, feels that the user-friendly layout is one of the key success factors of the site. Not only is the layout easy to follow for some of the club's less-technologically inclined fans, he also hasn't managed to get some of the complex features of the site to work properly yet. The soon-to-be created Official RAMFC Supporters Club will allow fans the world over to feel like a part of the club. Five branches will be opened simultaneously in footballing hotbeds around the world, including Brampton, Manchester, Madrid, Milan and Kabul. Plans for additional branches will be announced at a later date. Through the Supporters Club, RAMFC hopes to turn the fans' trance-like obsession with the club into financial gains which will in turn be invested in the club in order to generate more on-field success which of course will further enhance the trance-like obsession of the fans. "It's really quite simple, even the players get it" chipped in Paul Grimes, club marketing specialist. Grimes is also pressing for the club to switch to a dark blue kit next year. "Not only would it be easier to keep clean but just look at all the top clubs from West London that wear blue, like Chelsea, oh and QPR have blue hoops, and look how successful those clubs have been recently" he commented. Future plans also include taking the club on international tours to allow the foreign fans to see the team in action. Specific dates, destinations and opposition are still being finalized. Ticket details will be published on the web site as soon as they are available. Gaffer John Wright, who also wears the captain's yellow armpits for the club, feels that now is the time to take the world by storm. "We feel fans of other clubs are disillusioned by the fact that they can't relate to their sporting heroes on a personal level due to the salaries earned by the athletes" he explained. "Such a situation will not occur with RAM, at least not while I'm in charge" he added. "We actively search for players who are more interested in playing for the club for the honour and prestige, and who are happy just to enjoy a few beers with their teammates after the match as opposed to driving off to their mansions in one of their many expensive sports cars" he continued. "Such players are in plentiful supply. This year we have 20 players signed up and we had to turn a couple away at the start of the season" he droned on. "Our goal in this regard is to expand the playing staff to at least 30. In doing so we might be able to field a full team every week" he finally concluded. Even though the plans are still in their infancy, they are drawing acclaim from clubs in all sports around the world. George Steinbrenner, owner of the fabled New York Yankees baseball club, expressed disbelief at the news. "I can't believe it" he said when told of the plans, "this is phenomenal". Rumours of a cross-functional assimilation of the marketing strategies between the two clubs were strenuously denied by a Yankees spokesman. Ken Dryden, President of the Toronto Maple Leafs hockey club, feel the plans are overly ambitious. "They really should just take their time. Look at us, we're in desperate need of a defenseman and we've done nothing all summer". Other football clubs offered mixed viewpoints. Sir Alex Ferguson of Manchester United, easily the biggest and best football club in the world, is generally impressed with the plans but in a direct attack on the directors of RAM said "yous are all f****** idiots if you think you're ever going to be as big as us". Plans for a friendly between the two clubs next month had to be cancelled due to Sir Alex, one of the world's most successful football managers of all times, indicated all his players were injured and weren't available for a friendly. Arsene Wenger of Arsenal Football Club said he couldn't comment on the marketing plans as he hasn't seen them yet, while every club in Italy's Serie A expressed hope that RAMFC could lend them some money.