And in an effort to piss off the most mighty of them all, the Nigerians, here we have a response to one of the thousands of emails that arrive on our computers at RAMFC headquarters. It may look cruel, in fact it actually was cruel, but it would have been much worse if I had simply asked him to come for a trial, taken all his money, left him penniless on the streets of Toronto and nicked his boots as well which are probably better than mine. I did think about doing this. In fact I actually thought about asking him to send us some cash but I didn't so you cant hold it against me.

Date: Wed, 16 Mar 2005 14:14:44 -0600

From: "The Gaffer" <the_gaffer@realalemadrid.com>

Dear Sir/Madam sorry Azeez (gesundheit)

Whilst we thank you for your interest in our football team, we regretfully advise that all playing positions are accounted for and we have no room for new players at this time. We will however retain your resume on file for future reference, should a position come up.

I would also take this opportunity to point out that God no longer involves himself with this club so it is of some doubt that he will reward anyone here. His departure, acrimonious as it seemed, was in no small part due to his desire to play up front when he is so obviously a holding midfield player. Thanks were expressed to him for the lovely job his lad did on the clubhouse steps and deck, but this does not entitle him to play wherever he chooses. He may be King of the Jews but Paul is still the Gaffer at Real Ale, may I be struck down by a bolt of zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzttttttttttttttttttttttttttt! ouch. that smarted.

With love and best wishes,

The Gaffer.

---------- Forwarded Message -----------

From: mark ben

To: name removed to protect the innocent

Sent: Fri, 11 Mar 2005 09:51:55 -0800 (PST)

Subject: seeking for help pls..

HELLO SIR/MADAM,

MY NAME IS AZEEZ ADEBAYO I AM A CITIZEN OF NIGERIA AND I AM VERY INTRESTING IN BECOMING PART OF YOUR FOOTBALL TEAM,IN WHICH AM SKILLFUL,INTELLIGENT ALSO WELLBEHAVED IN PLAYING FOOTBALL AND A TRUSTWORTHY PERSON.I WILL BE GLAD IF YOU CAN HELP ME OUT OF THE ISSUE IN BECOMING ONE OF YOUR CLUB FOOTBALLER,I WILL BE GLAD FOR THAT AND I KNOW GOD WILL REWARD YOU AND YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY IN ABOUNDANT WAYS. HOPE TO HEAR GOOD NEWS FROM YOU AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. THANKS AND GOD BLESS YOU.