LIVING IN SID'S SHADOW

The Other Seixiero vents his frustrations.

(Above)- Sid's success has overshadowed Mike Seixieros accomplishments.

By Luis Javier Montero

Ritchie's testicles are still swinging.

The violent force of the shot to the rear he has just received while standing buck naked in the Europa changeroom from his fellow teammate after this victory, has left a welt on his little bottom. The culprit behind this heinous act stands grinning in the middle of the changeroom as he slips on his Calvin Klein jeans. His hair is tussled and his sideburns are shaggy yet trendy, and he has a look of a model who has just passed his prime.

This is Mike Seixiero. One of Europa's star defenders, and a god in the portuguese community.

"Lets go get some pints," he bellows.

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Mike was born in a little town in portugal called Victoria Guimaraes,  who's sole source of economy was …surprise, surprise……fishing for shrimp. Like all other little portuguese kids, boys and girls alike, he was a hairy little boy who amused himself by playing keep ups with rocks he would find in the streets. Like his papa, he rooted for Benfica and had big aspirations of one day playing  in the portuguese soccer league.

Alas, things changed in the village. The shrimp had decided to swim over to another part of portugal hence leaving the village with no source of income to pull from. The residents were devastated and economic turmoil soon followed. Mike's parents knew something had to be done if they wanted their little boy to succeed in life, so they placed a call over to Canada and contacted his cousins family over there. They too also had a little boy who was on his way to fame and fortune even from a young age, and his name was Sid. Mike's parents asked if it would be okay to ship him over to Canada in order for a better life and if they would take care of him.

Sid's family graciously said they would accept the little butterball Mike, and after Mike's parents contacted Dave Sharda's parents on how to build a raft, they shipped him off.

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 Life in Canada was hard at first for little Mike. The kids made fun of him because he was so hairy at such a young age. Sid would have had this problem also, but his parents had the money to get laser hair removal done on the lad.

But his fortunes changed with the onset of puberty, as Mike shedded the excess hair and slowly formed into a solid young man. He was the first in his grade to have sideburns, and his creativity as to how to grow them and style them brought the girls running. He no longer had to rely on his brains to get him through school as now he was banging his way to good grades with every teacher he bedded. The party lifestyle was well under way for mike, something that continues to this day.

Sid on the other hand had other plans. He took voice lessons in his spare time, and when graduating high school went on to the Diana Ross School of Vocational Studies where he graduated as valedictorian of his class.

Two boys. Two different paths.

A lot of animosity.

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Mike and I are sitting in his parents backyard on College street. We are sipping a fine Port that his cousin has just brought back from Portugal and his mother is frying some shrimp on the stove and the garden is in full bloom in the backyard. Mike is weraing his Benfica jersey and a pair of shorts  with the word "juicy" written across the back of them. For some reason I feel he has grabbed his girlfriends shorts in error, but neglect to tell him.

Me- so you grew up in little portugal eh ?

Seixiero - yeah…it was cool to be surrounded by hairy little kids just like yourself when your growing up. Eveyone is the same. I used to love going over to St. Clair with my buddies as a teenager and beating up those wops. Im pretty sure I must have kicked Alex's a$$ a couple of times without knowing it.

M - Now that we've got the small stuff out of the way, lets get down to business. Couple of things I'd like your opinion on. Number 1……Europa.

S - where to begin. This team has talent and looks and we cant do a damn thing because we keep fighting with each other. You cant work as a unit this way. We just had some bad bounces sometimes that burnt us here and there. Bad luck I guess.

M - were you surprised to be in the final ?

S- not really. The guys we needed to take control did. Take the greek for example….you look at this team from the outside and you'd think Dave was in charge with the way he yells and barks orders. But its not so anymore………..people look to Louis now because he's so mild mannered and doesn’t hesitate to caress you lovingly when you've made a mistake or something. He's a good guy, who's out here for everyone and not himself. I can see why Nadia loves him so much….if I was a girl, I would also.

M - talented young fellow that greek eh?

S -oh yes, that’s for sure.  Skill, looks, brains. A very deadly combination. People say simon won Jane , but I don’t think so. The greek backed off and let him win, or else it would have been no competition.

M - tell me about Sid.

S -he is soooooooooo fake that guy. With his singing lessons to keep his voice in top shape and thinking hes so cool because The Score supplies him with suits from International Clothiers while he's on TV. Do you know he wears make up?  Make up! What the hell is that!

M -usually people who are on camera have to put make up on to………

S - this is off camera! We go out and he meets all these damn chicks and doesn’t even introduce me. I sit on the side like Real ale Madrid when Louis is talking to nadia, just twidling my thumbs like an idiot.

M -you hate him. Don’t you?

S - I don’t hate him and im not jealous at all. But he's a twig, and people make him out to be some kind of hero. I mean look at him?!!? The self proclaimed godfather of 'the score'. Whatever! People write what he says on TV you know……he has no personality.

M -ok…..change of topic. Outdoor coming up. Your going to play Real ale Madrid. This means your facing the greek as opposed to having him on your team. He picks up the ball in his own end and like Bobby Orr brings it forward passing Europa player after player. What do you do as he barrels toward you, the last man?

S- pray for my life.

Luis Javier Montero contributes to Penthouse Letters on a regular basis as he is now married and doesn’t get laid anymore.