THE GREEK SOUNDS OFF
We sit down with the disgruntled  Real Ale star as he discusses defections, erections, and the state of Real Ale Madrid

Venice, ITALY-
It is a sunny day as I sit in a little cafe overlooking the beautiful city Venice, watching the gondolas full of lovers drift by. I am sitting here with a freshly rolled sigarette in one hand and a cappuccino in the other. The women that pass are stunning in the special way they Italian women are, but it is the sight sitting across from  me that is what is turning heads the most as those who walk by glance over at my table.

He is known as the Greek International.
He is dressed in a simple white T-shirt with the most perfect fitting jeans that just allows you to see the bulge that hangs off to the left. His hair styled ever so perfectly to accentuate his boyish good looks. He is smoking a cigarette in one hand and holds a pint of Guinness in the other. The sun making his green eyes shine and ever so breathtaking.

"This stuff taste's like $hit" he mutters.
Yes, the Guinness does taste like crap, as the waiter was suppose to bring him a pint of Carlsberg. The Greek snaps his fingers and 3 waiters immediately rush over, they apologize profusely as the Maitre d' is seen leading the original waiter out the back door and to the unemployment line.

He is the Greek international and for those of you who have been living in cave he is one of the upcoming superstars of Real Ale Madrid. His goals are things of great beauty, and to be able to watch him move his stealth body is a sight to behold. Known for scoring the game winning goal in the indoor final of 2000 in overtime giving Madrid its first ever title, the Greek has blossomed into a versatile force. His defensive prowess in outdoor has given Madrid a solid backline, while his speed has wreaked havoc for the opposition in indoor. Teams want him. Girls want him. His teammates want him.

But today I see sadness in his eyes.
It is pain that is hurting within.
While reading this mornings addition of Soccer Today, the Greek has found out 2 more of his teamates played for Europa in a losing cause last night. The tear that trickled down his cheek was gut wrenching to watch.

I begin my interview here....

Me- Why so down my friend?

He looks at me and I feel his gaze pierce my heart. I cross my legs to control my excitement.

Lou- We are falling apart. We are straying away from our roots, and falling to temptation. Players are getting fatter, heads are getting bigger. We were once one, now we are all over the place.

Me- How does one who has it all be so sad? The women eye you like a piece of meat. The men hate you with rages of envy. the soccer gods have touched you day in and day out.

Lou- Cant you see what is happening? Damo is gone. Now Simon and Paul, for which I could have no rational reason as to why they would want them.

Me- do you feel slighted?

Lou- never. for if they are too blind to see what I could bring to their squad, then they do not deserve to have me.

Me- I heard Jane only offered 50 cents when she was asked what she would pay for you in a silent auction. That's pretty low man.

Lou- alas Jane has not seen me in the shower, for if she did she would realize what a ridiculously amount she has offered. she will come around in due time.

Me- how much did it hurt when Damo left?

He points to his chest.

Lou- right here man. we were always a duo.  Its that hair that has gotten to him. him and his new found locks and the discovery of herbal essences. luckily we don't live together or else he'd be keeping me up with his moans while he washes his hair.

I suggest we go for a walk on the boardwalk to take in the sights, while personally I just want to show him off to everyone so they think we are together. Unfortunately, even though he may look like a fruit loop he is not one.  His cowboy boots clip clop along the boardwalk as children run up for autographs.

It has been a whirlwind week for him. Monday in London to visit his old friend the Queen, Tuesday in Athens to use his golden lighter to light the first torch  that will be transferred around the world for the Olympic games, Wednesday in Spain to host the biggest party in Ibiza, and from there to Scotland to pick up the finest sheep for his friend Tomas. He is a kindhearted man.

As we wait in the plaza square for his mistress Anna Bella, (we can only fathom how many he may have all over the world) the talk turns to the dreaded showers of Real Ale Madrid.

Lou- they watch me in there.

There have been numerous stories of gang rape, and shower molestations within the confines of this deep dark changeroom. Men instantly left feeling  and crying like little boys as they sit collapsed in the corner of the shower while the water falls on their bleeding bodies. He has been able to fend them off for now, but he is getting weaker as the days go on.

Anna Bella is late, but this does not seem to phase the Greek. He is thinking of Jane and those leather pants and how he looks to woo her. how he wishes it was he and not Simon who would be able to make her laugh and smile with his witty remarks.

I ask him about Europa. How he feels about them in general.
" They are cool" he replies. " good bunch of guys to play with. They want to win just like I do."

Me- any animosity towards them for the pilfering of your team?

Lou- no. they are 0-2. They have taken the wrong people and they will learn the hard way.

Me- have you ever slept with Roy?

Lou- What?!??! Where the f#$k did that come from??!?!

He kicks me in the nuts and I fall to the ground.
When I am able to open my eyes I see a vision of beauty walking towards the Greek. She is stunning but I can tell the Greek is in a far away place. It is Jane he is envisioning walking toward him. It his Jane he shall hold in his arms tonight.

He will fly out later tonight for his game at Soccer city. Security will have to beat the fans off at the airport while women throw themselves and their phone numbers at him. Back to the deep cavernous confines of the Real ale changeroom to fight for his a$$'s virginity so that it may see another day.