We here at Soccer City are dedicated to keeping all our fellow soccer lovers up to date to the latest news and events in the soccer world. this week we offer you a player profile of Dave Sharda, the self proclaimed field general of upstarts Europa F.C.

Our writer sits with Mr. Sharda and brings you the story of a troubling individual, simple footballer, and finds out why he is so angry with the world. His stylish ways off the pitch have inspired many, yet it is what is beneath this exterior that leads us to wonder what type of individual we are truly dealing with.......

'LOUIS IS RUBBISH'
Dave sharda hates you, and you , and you......and especially Lou.
by Luis Javier Montero.

Toronto - Flashback 6 weeks ago.
The silence in the europa lockerroom is only broken by the panting and wheezing of the players who have just finished playing. It was a terrible defeat to the hands of Team Ice, and now the playoffs are only a pipedream right now. They are tired and sore.

Yet his voice cuts through the silence like a knife.
"You play like a bunch of school children. Absolute rubbish. Absolute sh!te. Old ladies swing their purses harder then you shoot. Ritchie, we need a uniform change for next season.....get on the line and order some skirts for these Sally's. And Louis......... move that oversized you know what out of the way, someones gonna trip and hurt themselves."

This my friends is Dave Sharda.
Even though he may have nothing positive to say, he must say it anyway. This is the life behind the closed doors of europa, where mental abuse is part of the game.

He picks up his Avon body products and heads for the shower.
"Absolute rubbish" he mutters.

***************************************

Dave grew up on the mean streets of south side New Delhi.  Roaming with various street gangs knocking off tandouri outlets,  Dave hardened himself here. He hated people, they hated him. his family seemed only to be working to feed his pudgy brother Mike, leaving Dave feeling neglected in the process.

'i didnt need them. they were more concerned with feeding mike who for some reason eveyone thought was god's gift to the world. i had my own family. guys who understood me.'

He was picked up a few times from the local authorities but never really punished for his antics. his witty charm and usage overly big english words always surprised the authorities. his family knew that if they stayed here things could only get worse for the young man, so they made a raft and sent the boys off to england.

*******************************************

It was here where Dave excelled.
But not at first.
'I was seen as an outcast." he tells us.
Sure, its not hard to see why. While everyone else is running around in dashing tweed outfits from Burberry of London and your standing there wrapped in a Sari, you tend to stand out a wee bit. Dave knew he had to change his image and fast in order to blend in. He purchased some GQ's in order to obtain some tips, and quickly made friends with some stylish lads named Simon Burgess and Paul Grimes who took him under his wing in order to show him the finer points in life.  

'Paul and simon were really good to me. I mean, they got all the ladies and even though their clothing was 60's Bealtes oriented, they showed me the way. and the issues of GQ were more then helpful.......they had this kid on the cover who was only like 10 years old or something. Most stylish guy i've ever seen. That was my first glimpse of the Greek Intl."

Dave honed his skills on the footie pitch as well while here in england, and his dashing style caught the eye's of many clubs. He was signed by chelsea and sent to their feeder squad Real ale Madrid  based out of Toronto, Canada.

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Yorkville - The sun glistens off his muscular frame as Stavros takes his measurements for his next custom made suit that he will no doubt add to his growing trendy wardrobe. i sit in the corner trying hard not to stare too long, but there is nothing i can do as my eyes dance up and down his body.

" make my pants nice and tight in the crotch area." he barks.

Yup , this is the sharda we all know.

"what kind of questions do you have? spit it out!"

i begin here.......

ME - why so angry?

D - have you ever played with such crappy players that you cannot believe how the hell they made it through life? everytime i take the field its just utter rubbish. whether its that Greek, or simon, or those blasted portuguese from europa its always the same crap.

M- but your doing so well right now. a finals appearance this thursday for a possible title....things look pretty good to me.

D- and how do you think we got there? i carry these bums on my back all season. did you see what happened when i wasnt there against licks? we lost 11-0 !

M- alot of people say they dont even see you on the pitch. that the only reason you yell is that people will acknowledge your existance on the field.

D -who said that?!?!?!?!? those ungrateful turds.

M - there is one question that is burning my mind right now.......and i'm sure its on everyone else's. tell me about the greek.....

Just the mention of the word greek has somehow set him off. he flies into a fit of rage sending the poor tailor flat on his rear and he comes at me with pure rage. i try to defend myself but his blows pummel me to the ground as he begins to kick away at me. i can now see why his shots are so soft though, as the kicks feel like little feathers being traced down my back. i play along though as if to be in pain until he tires and finally backs off.

M - are you okay?

D- dont you ever mention that name again. you here me?!?!?

M- but why?

D- ok, ok,......let me compose myself. I'll tell you why. That punk owes me huge. strutting around like a little peacock with his little 'peacock' pushed forward like he owns the world. his boyish good looks and damn striking green eyes captivating everyone he meets. the only reason why Nadia even knows he exists is because we brought him out. she only works on thursdays and he would have been at home if it wasnt for us. and do you think he thanks us? ohhhhhhhhh noooooooooo. it was all him.

M - lemme get this straight....is this over a girl or are you in love with him or something?

The mannequin he hurls at me flies just pass me, verifying his aim is just as terrible as his shot. I figure i will cut it short here and wait till later to continue.....

******************
We are sitting on the patio of Sassafraz in yorkville. i am drinking a pint of Carlsberg, while he is sipping on a shirley temple through a straw. Personally i am embarassed to be sitting beside him as he sips away like a little girl, but this is my job to report so i have to bite the bullet.

suddenly there is a commotion and people begin to applaud. i strain my neck to see what is going on and as the crowd parts i see why everyone is cheering. it is the greek, arm in arm with Nadia , just taking a stroll through yorkville. the crowd roars at the sight of him and little kids rush for his autograph. He has the life of a hollywood star, and if Dave werent wearing those damn $600.00 armani shades you could probably see the envy in his eyes. i pretend not to notice the greek and turn back to him.....

But he is gone. Vanished in thin air leaving me to wonder where he went and to pay the bill at the same time. his shirley temple is half finished. i sit back and watch the greek walk away, so stunning with Nadia a goddess on his arm.  i reach for my wallet and thats when the shot rings out echoing throughout yorkville. i look up to see the greek clutching his shoulder while lying on the ground, Nadia throwing her ever so seductive body over him as she cries. Everyone rushes over to help, but something catches my eye. it is a figure dancing across the roof tops making an escape. i know who it is.....

you can take the boy out of south side new delhi, but you cant take new delhi out of the boy.
the tandouri devil strikes again.

**Luis Javier Montero is a regular contributor to Soccer city and GQ. he enjoys finger paiting and secretly watching the greek international from the hotel window as he makes Nadia feel like a million bucks behind closed doors****