Simon B
Born: just minutes from
hospital.
height: when
stretching to his fullest, an impressive 3ft 9in weight: he can lift
3lbs all by himself.
position: yet to be
determined, has played everywhere but goal. so goal would be his
best spot.
hobbies: running a
bit late, drinking fine Chardonnay with chip butties, shoveling the
driveway.
likes: hospital
waiting rooms, male nurses, cotton sheets.
dislikes: playing a
full season injury free, Khalahsi bushmen, Dutch claret.
favourite football
moment: scoring four goals in one game while playing the
entire game on his backside.
least favourite football
moment: having to let Paul G. drive his car home from
Barrie due to breaking his ankle by falling down a rabbit
hole.
best sex: it's
probably not a good idea to ask his wife about this
one.
favourite film: The Wild
Geese - Do Dallas - The Return - Part XIXX
favourite book: Hospital
Insurance For You.
career: bringing
multi-nationals crashing down with the stroke of a pen.
say something about
yourself: "In the 15th century, Stockport was a thriving
wool town, now Ladies and Gentlemen, if you will look to your left
you will see the shed wear I keep my hoe..."
Jack
born: Igloo
height: he has some,
yes
weight: a svelte
250lbs
position: way up front,
never coming back.
hobbies: making flint
tipped arrows, the history of shoe inserts, staring at candlelight
until blindness sets in.
likes: missing open nets, break
dancing, pretending his right foot is good for anything.
dislikes: people saying
he is a one dimensional player, photography, fast women.
favourite football moment: breaking a
light at Soccer City from one of his shots.
least favourite football
moment: getting on hands and knees to try and tackle
someone.
best sex: behind the
bike shed in 3rd grade with his pretend uncle.
favourite film: My Left
Foot
favourite book: back of a
breakfast cereal box.
career: poisoning the
environment
say something about
yourself: "She told me she was 18 for Christ sake
!!"
Ian G.
born: Scottish bread
box.
height: negative 4ft
11in
weight: all
muscle
position: worlds
greatest scrum half.
hobbies: playing drunk,
celibacy, fiddling with his Rosary beads.
likes: women but they don't like him,
beating 3 players and the keeper and hitting the post, watching
re-runs of Magic Roundabout
dislikes: pint glasses
bigger than him, his natural hair colour, plumbing.
favourite football
moment: being named captain of Bramalea Celtic and being
too drunk to turn it down.
least favourite football
moment: being to drunk to accept player of the year
award and throwing up all over Andy Tonner.
best sex: he'll let
you know when he gets some.
favourite film: Rangers 9 In
A Row Commemorative Video.
favourite book: How To Marry A
Virgin
career: human
plunger
say something about
yourself: "someone please have sex with
me"
Thomas McGinty
born: to loving parents who
immediately disowned him
height: a lovely
6ft.
weight: legs 34lbs upper torso
256lbs
position: nominally a
defenceman, pushed up front to avoid costly
errors.
hobbies: going to the
toilet, scratching things, massages from ladies of
the
night.
likes: stall 3 York U bogs, men looking
at him, interesting looking
vegetables.
dislikes: homosexual
talk, patterned toilet paper, large plant life.
favourite football moment: being
permitted to play. anywhere.
least favourite football
moment: praying to God for a win and getting bugger all
from the Goalkeeper in the Sky.
best sex: chap in next
stall with the big feet.
favourite film: Chuck and
Buck
favourite book: The
Photography Of Robert Mapplethorpe.
career: leering at cars with tinted
windows.
say something about
yourself: "This Creatine is making me
dizzy"
Paul G.
born: likes to think Stamford Bridge,
was in all likelihood Mississauga.
height: 3inches oh,
that's something else.
weight: fluctuates
between fat b*****d and pleasantly chubby.
position: centre
midfield with no chance of running.
hobbies: collecting
dried dog poop, writing obscene letters to celebrities, shivering in
the corner of the room.
likes: inventing new and exciting ways
to self inflict pain, writing down number plates of meat delivery
vans and feeding them into supercomputer that will crash all cattle
farmers computers, licking dirty subway floors.
dislikes: anyone from
north of Luton, sex with farm implements though he will if he has
too, breathing.
favourite football moment: watching
Chelsea beat Man U 5-0
least favourite football moment:
Watching them lose to everyone else.
best sex: hearing other
people talk about it.
favourite film: German
Shitzer film.
favourite book: How To Get
Rid Of Pesky Nose Hair
career: techno hack
writer
say something about
yourself: " Googoo ga ga Goo"
