Simon Burgess
Born: just minutes from
hospital.
height: when
stretching to his fullest, an impressive 3ft 9in weight: he can lift
3lbs all by himself.
position: yet to be
determined, has played everywhere but goal. so goal would be his
best spot.
hobbies: running a
bit late, drinking fine Chardonnay with chip butties, shoveling the
driveway.
likes: hospital
waiting rooms, male nurses, cotton sheets.
dislikes: playing a
full season injury free, Khalahsi bushmen, Dutch claret.
favourite football
moment: scoring four goals in one game while playing the
entire game on his backside.
least favourite football
moment: having to let Paul G. drive his car home from
Barrie due to breaking his ankle by falling down a rabbit
hole.
best sex: it's
probably not a good idea to ask his wife about this
one.
favourite film: The Wild
Geese - Do Dallas - The Return - Part XIXX
favourite book: Hospital
Insurance For You.
career: bringing
multi-nationals crashing down with the stroke of a pen.
say something about
yourself: "In the 15th century, Stockport was a thriving
wool town, now Ladies and Gentlemen, if you will look to your left
you will see the shed wear I keep my hoe..."
Jack McNulty
born: Igloo
height: he has some,
yes
weight: a svelte
250lbs
position: way up front,
never coming back.
hobbies: making flint
tipped arrows, the history of shoe inserts, staring at candlelight
until blindness sets in.
likes: missing open nets, break
dancing, pretending his right foot is good for anything.
dislikes: people saying
he is a one dimensional player, photography, fast women.
favourite football moment: breaking a
light at Soccer City from one of his shots.
least favourite football
moment: getting on hands and knees to try and tackle
someone.
best sex: behind the
bike shed in 3rd grade with his pretend uncle.
favourite film: My Left
Foot
favourite book: back of a
breakfast cereal box.
career: poisoning the
environment
say something about
yourself: "She told me she was 18 for Christ sake
!!"
Ian Gheogan
born: Scottish bread
box.
height: negative 4ft
11in
weight: all
muscle
position: worlds
greatest scrum half.
hobbies: playing drunk,
celibacy, fiddling with his Rosary beads.
likes: women but they don't like him,
beating 3 players and the keeper and hitting the post, watching
re-runs of Magic Roundabout
dislikes: pint glasses
bigger than him, his natural hair colour, plumbing.
favourite football
moment: being named captain of Bramalea Celtic and being
too drunk to turn it down.
least favourite football
moment: being to drunk to accept player of the year
award and throwing up all over Andy Tonner.
best sex: he'll let
you know when he gets some.
favourite film: Rangers 9 In
A Row Commemorative Video.
favourite book: How To Marry A
Virgin
career: human
plunger
say something about
yourself: "someone please have sex with
me"
Thomas McGinty
born: to loving parents who
immediately disowned him
height: a lovely
6ft.
weight: legs 34lbs upper torso
256lbs
position: nominally a
defenceman, pushed up front to avoid costly
errors.
hobbies: going to the
toilet, scratching things, massages from ladies of
the
night.
likes: stall 3 York U bogs, men looking
at him, interesting looking
vegetables.
dislikes: homosexual
talk, patterned toilet paper, large plant life.
favourite football moment: being
permitted to play. anywhere.
least favourite football
moment: praying to God for a win and getting bugger all
from the Goalkeeper in the Sky.
best sex: chap in next
stall with the big feet.
favourite film: Chuck and
Buck
favourite book: The
Photography Of Robert Mapplethorpe.
career: leering at cars with tinted
windows.
say something about
yourself: "This Creatine is making me
dizzy"
