Aubrey
born: before records of time were kept.
height: a little above average for a
scouser
weight: all in his accent
position: full back with a penchant for
spectacular own goals.
hobbies: nicking car radios, writing huge cheques to himself, writing obscene words in children's library books.
hobbies: nicking car radios, writing huge cheques to himself, writing obscene words in children's library books.
likes: Tranmere Rovers, rooting out all evil, looking at
things.
dislikes: his teammates, the colour blue, frogs.
dislikes: his teammates, the colour blue, frogs.
favourite football moment: scoring an absolute
screamer into his own net.
least favourite football moment: His teammates
taking the piss about it for the last 6 years.
best sex: better not to think about it.
favourite film: Yosser Hughes goes to
College.
favourite book: The Pete Best Story
career: pastry chef.
say something about yourself: "Never offside
referee! F***ing 'ell!"
Warren
born: one would assume, but you never
know.
height: 7ft 5in
weight: dependent on which fast-food he is
devouring.
position: centre back/ centre forward/ goal/
toilet.
hobbies: crunching debtors over the head with a pipe wrench,
eating Baskin Robbins, clean clothes.
likes: His kids, his 16ft industrial toilet
snake.
dislikes: women from Liverpool, cleanliness, regular
sleep.
favourite football moment: throwing up on the
bench.
least favourite football moment: having to beat up
an opposition player for "disrespect"
best sex: about 10 years ago
favourite film: don't know, fell
asleep.
favourite book: 1899 Plumbing
Hints.
career: food inspector at ice cream store.
say something about yourself: "show us your t***s"
Ian N.
born: in a pristine world
height: about the same as Jack
weight: 45lbs
position: midfield maestro
hobbies: helping old ladies across the street, changing diapers
of strange babies, holding impromptu folk singing sessions.
likes: the Mayor's dog, applying make up, muttering to
himself.
dislikes: The Mayor, waking up at 2.30am to bail the Mayor out.
favourite football moment: being allowed to play twice a week.
least favourite football moment: having to play on our team
dislikes: The Mayor, waking up at 2.30am to bail the Mayor out.
favourite football moment: being allowed to play twice a week.
least favourite football moment: having to play on our team
best sex: too pure to have sex.
favourite film: Star Trek IV
favourite book: The Koran
career: lackey to drunken politicians
say something about yourself: "
gosh"